A lot of nothing.

I haven't updated in the past week because nothing has happened.

My appointment with specialist isn't until April 28th. My foot feels generally unchanged. I haven't been wearing the shoe, but I haven't been jogging or walking around in heels either. The most pressure I've put on the foot is to do seated calf raises, and while this will eventually lead to an imbalance, my right foot tends to carry most of the load.

Outside the sphere of running, I've been making strides in with my lifting. Yes, I'm graphing my weight gains on Excel. I think that my muscles are beginning to pick up steam now that I'm back into the routine and I'm seeing faster gains in strength. I'm back to Fall 2009 levels with my upper body, but I'm taking it easy with the legs. The last thing I need is to vault myself into further injury by non-running related means.

I think that mentally I've nearly had it with this injury business. In some ways, I feel like I've lost my identity as a runner. It's been over a year now, since I ran injury-free. Last summer and early autumn seemed like a fluke. It doesn't seem real that I actually ran that half marathon. My vibram/natural running transition of December-Feburary was so low mileage that that didn't even seem to qualify. I have no idea what kind of standard I'm setting to call myself a runner again, but at the moment, since I'm not running, I'm definitely not meeting it.

The weight gain and general loss of cardio-vascular strength is frustrating as well. I feel unmotivated to perform any type of exercise if running isn't somehow involved. Yes, the lifting is fun - but I always did it in conjunction with running. I was doing it to be a better runner. There has never been anything independent about my other exercise. It has all been for the purpose of improving myself as a runner. While continuing to workout while injured, I am certainly trying to maintain some level of fitness so that my return to running won't be hampered by sloth - but I really just don't love the rest of it as much.

I'm also getting bitter when I hear friends talk about their running and achievements. I am completely thrilled for them and motivated by their efforts - but feeling motivated while you're injured is like gunning the engine while you're in park. It's very frustrating after a while. That's where I now stand. Or sit. Or have parked my car.