The Big Picture

I haven't spent a lot of time discussing my overall fitness since the beginning of my injuries in February 2010. There is a good reason for that. It's gone downhill rapidly. I lost endurance, strength and gained a significant amount of weight. Around 20 lbs to be exact. It didn't all happen at once. I slowly and subtly saw each component develop over the course of a year. I fought it on occasion as well.

Last summer, my love of the beach and lounging in a bikini prompted me to make a considerable effort to keep my weight down, but my overall exercise levels were low. I had stopped lifting and focused on what little running I could do without aggravating the IT band.

After the half marathon last fall, I fell apart. I had pushed my body way too hard to finish that race and had to face the consequences with my IT band. I dropped off working out almost entirely. Thus in November, I took a diet-only route. Low calories, completely clean. I shed 10lbs in three weeks and looked remarkably good going into the holiday season.

The holiday season, however, took it's toll. My weight returned to about 12-15lbs above my start weight and the lack of weightlifting finally reared its head. My arms were flabby. You could see it everywhere. I was ashamed to wear sleeveless dresses. I was just plump. Weak. It's the worst feeling. It was one thing to be heavier and strong, but another kettle of fish, when you're a hot mess all around.

I reached my breaking point in February when my clothes simply weren't fitting anymore without horrific muffin top and stomach rolls. Yes, stomach rolls. I hadn't had those in four years. I even developed a back/side roll when I was standing up straight.

What the heck happened to me? I not only let down myself, but all of my friends who had looked up to me and my dedication to fitness and health. I was so ashamed. I'd gone from role model to bad example. It was really hard to look at myself in the mirror. How had I gotten to this point? It was a combination of the injuries and some personal events that I'd been struggling to overcome for the past year. I think that the internal turmoil eventually manifested itself physically. Now that I have healed internally, I'm left trying to pick up the pieces on the outside.

Thus I joined this wonderful fitness/support website that has allowed me to log my diet as well as my exercise, with daily motivation and support from a large group of friends across the world. It has helped focus me and remind me of the person I used to be, remind me what motivated me day in and day out.

Now it's May and I've shed around 7 pounds in the past two months. I have been steadily regaining my strength through four dedicated days of lifting per week, along with high intensity interval training on the upright bike. I've been dedicated to taking yoga class once a week as well and eating healthy and consistently. My goal has been to return to my former figure and fitness level by the end of June, or what will be my 30th birthday.

I've been trying to stay focused on being strong and healthy without having to run for hours each week, to show myself that there are multiple ways to do it. I still miss running and am dedicated to becoming a healthy runner again, but for now, rather than make excuses or push myself too soon, I'm trying to stay focused on the bigger picture, with or without running.

In any case, here is a snapshot from last week. I still have another 10 pounds to lose over the next two months, but my strength gains are accelerating every week and I already feel the muscle gains paying off.